Conversations In The Black
by woodersonsaysso
Summary: A series of conversations, both funny and heartbreaking, set in the deepest realms of space. Will feature all of Serenity's crew, but will hint at Jaylee and Mal/Inara pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the crew of Serenity or anyone in their universe. Joss is the god in this universe; I just like to play with his creations.

 **Note:** I fell in love with Firefly because of the characters. My favorite scenes have always involved their conversations between jobs. That's what this series is about. :) I am a Jaylee fan so some of the conversations may veer that way. Wash/Zoe and Mal/Inara will have their moments as well. I look forward to hearing your feedback and I hope that you enjoy this series!

The One Where Kaylee and Jayne Bond Over Whiskey and Daytime TV

Kaylee smiled into her cup of tea and descended the stairs to the common area. Serenity's cold metal hugged her bare feet and she curled her toes around each step with quiet satisfaction.

It was the nights she loved the most. Serenity purred on autopilot. The pounding of heavy combat boots and the snapping of weaponry disappeared and allowed the frozen silence of space to filter through.

" _Ho Tze Duh Pi Gu!"_

'Course the cursin' never did stop on this boat.

Once on a flat surface, she cocked her head and studied the muscle-bound mercenary perched on the sofa's edge. His baggy cargo pants offset an orange t-shirt. Loose threads hung from the hem and the words "Sonny Boy" were roughly patched over his chest. A portable cortex held his attention.

Kaylee giggled, alerting the only other woken crew member to her presence.

"Kaylee girl? What in the guay you doin' up at this hour?"

She padded across the floor until only the table separated her from the hired gun. She raised the tea to her mouth and took a small sip, letting the hot liquid linger on her lips.

"Want some?"

Jayne knitted his brows and heaved a heavy sigh. "'Whiskey'd be better."

Kaylee circled the table and settled herself on a chair. Jayne narrowed his eyes and turned his portable cortex away.

"Got somethin fermentin'. Gonna be a spell before it's ready." She craned her neck, catching a glimpse of his screen. "She looks mighty upset." The woman on the screen sported a strong pout and a dress more fancible than her pink number. "Wait…" Kaylee considered the dress again. "Her breasts ain't even showin'!"

Jayne slammed the screen shut and forced it beneath the couch cushion. "Ta ma duh! Kaylee, ain't you got better things to do?"

Kaylee grinned and set her tea on the table. "Thought you only watched ruttin' on that thing."

Jayne's eyes shifted as he focused on anything but her playful stare. "Ain't none of your business what I watch." He crossed his arms and hardened his features.

She leaned back into the chair and smiled all wide-like. "Rightly ain't." She put her bare feet on the table. "But if'n you were watching the latest episode of _From the Moon to the Stars_ , than it'd be mighty shiny."

His eyes made a slow burn towards her. One eyebrow arched in a silent challenge to the girl in the teddy bear pajamas. "Shiny?" He loosened his arms and adjusted his position on the sofa.

Kaylee leaned in, her smile fading. "Only if you agree that Damen was being a _Qing Wa Cao De Liu Mang_ when he dumped Santina for that goram sheep-herder!"

Jayne reached behind him and pulled a small pistol from his back pocket. "Ain't no sheep-herder in the verse worth hurting Santina! I'll blow his _Cheong Bao Ho Tze_ ass out of the sky."

They froze, Jayne standing with his gun pointed upward and Kaylee hanging on the edge of her chair. Slowly, each of them eased back into their seats. Jayne holstered his gun and Kaylee cleared her throat. She stood and picked up her tea. Chewing her lips, she met Jayne's embarrassment.

"Reckon I should go back to sleep. Lots of…tinkering…to be done tomorrow."

" _Cai Bu Shi."_ She turned away, and he continued. "Less you wanna watch Rolando make kissy-face at them sheep..."

Kaylee stopped in place, but didn't turn around. A small smile touched her lips.

"I'll get the whiskey."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the Serenity or any of its occupants. They're still free and you can't take the sky from them.

Notes: Thanks for reading and reviewing. :) It's been awhile since I've written for Firefly so I appreciate the feedback. Also, Not sure if I mentioned it before but none of these conversations takes place during or after the movie. They are all in the Firefly universe. I like my crew alive and well so that I can play with all of them equally.

The One Where The Boys Compare Scars

"Awe, that ain't nothin' doc."

Jayne lifted his t-shirt to display a large jagged scar across his abdomen. It formed a near perfect U around his navel. "See this here? Pa caught me shaking some coin from his purse. Came at me with a post holer. Couldn't rut right for a week!"

Simon cringed, instantly regretting entering into this savage competition.

"Might creative of your daddy, Jayne." Mal leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms, a shit-eaten grin on his face. "Spose' that intellect skips a generation."

Jayne squinted, his mouth hanging open. "Nah, Pa didn't work in no power plant. He was a post holer…s'why he knew to…"

"Hole your belly?" Wash smirked and nodded at the captain. "Thinkin' that creativity didn't go too far, Mal."

Jayne towered over the smaller pilot. "Bizui bout my pa you ruttin…"

"Jayne, don't make me take away your shiny gun-shaped toys." Mal silenced the merc with a wave of his hand.

Jayne collapsed back into his chair with a muffled grumble. He glared at Wash. "Let's see what you got then, little man."

Wash laughed. "Oh, I've got something really ugly. Grotesque even. Feast your eyes!" He proudly displayed his thumb in Jayne's direction. "Can of creamed corn. Goram thing came at me from the front. Nearly bled to death!"

Zoe came up behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "That you did dear, had to space that trash before it did worse harm."

"Har har." Jayne mocked. He set his eyes on Zoe. "How's about we see what your wife's got."

Zoe smiled. "Sorry Jayne, my scars are between me and my husband." She placed a kiss on Wash's head and turned towards their bunk. "Coming dear? Or, are you not done being manly yet?"

Wash stood at once and followed his wife. "Oh, I'm all the manly I'm gonna get. So much manly right here." His voice disappeared down the hallway. Mal turned back to the remaining crew.

"So, who's next?" Mal narrowed his eyes at the doctor. Simon sank lower in his seat and shifted his gaze away. "C'mon doc. You gotta have something better than that thing."

All eyes focused on the barely visible white line peeking out from his now easily visible hairline.

Why had he cut his hair again? Nothing good could come of it.

"What about you?" Simon countered. "In the time I've been on this ship alone you've been tortured, stabbed, and shot multiple times."

Mal sat, unmoving. "Jayne, you wanna hear about my scars?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Cause I was there when ya got 'em."

"Exactly." Mal's eyes bore into Simon's forehead. "Now c'mon doc. Get to sharin'."

"My father is a surgeon. He stitched all of our injuries with precision." Mal blinked once, his expression blank. Jayne's mouth hung open. Simon sighed in resignation.

"But there was that one time in medical school…"

"Now we're talkin'!"

"Knew them ruttin' doctors was fong luh!"

Simon cleared his throat and met both sets of eager eyes.

"Cadavers aren't easy to come by. We had to practice somehow. So, I volunteered."

Jayne leaned forward in his seat, a toothpick hanging from his lips. Mal uncrossed his arms.

"His name was Doctor Cardic…Brady Cardic. He wasn't the best of our class by far but he needed the most practice. So, I let him."

Mal's eyes widened. "Well? Let him what?!"

Simon touched the scar on his forehead, hardening his face. "Cut out a piece of my skull."

The toothpick fell from Jayne's lips.

"Shun-sheng duh gao-wahn." Mal muttered.

"Which piece?" Jayne inquired.

Simon covered his mouth his hand, hiding his growing smirk.

"The piece that allows me to lie with a straight face." He removed his hand to reveal his uncontrollable grin.

"Gorammit!" Jayne bellowed. "Ruttin doctors!"

Mal fell back into his chair and exhaled.

"Had me there, doc." Mal sighed. "Guess you win this round."

Simon grinned, proudly.

He touched the scar one last time on the way to his bunk.

The memory of his drunken fall off of that Hippocrates statue burned brightly.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Firefly characters. They're still free, I can't take the sky from them.

Author's Note: So, this is really four conversations in one, but they're all involving the same topic so I put them together. :) Thanks for reading.

The One Where The Girls Have a Slumber Party

"I'm not wearing a dress."

Zoe's stern expression worked like a brick wall against Inara's cheerful disposition.

"Well, luckily enough a dress isn't required. It's a pajama party."

Zoe's lips inched up, slightly. "Pajamas?" She returned her eyes to the gun she was currently cleaning. "How old is Kaylee is going to be again?"

Inara swooped around the first mate and sat in the seat next to her.

"A lady never reveals her age." She touched the cold metal of the gun-cleaning rod and recoiled from the greasy texture. "Kaylee has always wanted a real slumber party, like they used to have on earth-that-was. I just thought it would be a lovely birthday present if we could throw her one."

Zoe placed her newly assembled weapon back on the table and leaned back in her chair. She folded her hands in her lap and smiled. "Alright, if it will make Kaylee happy. But…" Her hand shot up. "…I'm not wearing anything pink or polka dotted."

"Deal." Inara grinned, pleased with herself. "Meet us in my shuttle at eight with your favorite snack."

"Snack?"

Inara hardly heard the question as she pranced down the hallway towards the infirmary. She spotted Simon toiling over his box of medical supplies.

"Hello Simon."

He turned his attention towards her and gave a concerned smile. "Inara, everything okay?"

She returned his smile, gratefully. "Of course. I do have a favor to ask."

He turned his body away from the medical supplies and braced against the table. "If you're going to ask me to dope Jayne, you wouldn't be the first one today."

Inara laughed. "Well, maybe some other time." She strode right up to him with confidence. "I was actually wondering if I could invite River to a party."

Simon chuckled. "No offense Inara, but I'm not sure that River runs in the same social circle as you."

"It's a party for Kaylee. A slumber party…for lack of better term." She held her hands close. "There will be snacks and pajamas and girl talk."

"Girl talk?"

"It's when girls talk about penises…and sometimes vaginas." Simon's mouth hung open as River slowly padded into the room. She looked to her brother and shrugged. "They also eat chocolate."

Simon looked from River to Inara and back again. He ran his hand through his hair. "Um…so this party is for Kaylee?"

"We'll have candles on the cake!" River skipped around the room, giggling.

"Oh, right…her birthday." Simon smiled to himself. "I didn't forget I just…hadn't thought of a proper gift yet." He watched his sister dancing circles around them and smiled. "Sure. If River wants to go, than I have no issue with it."

"Shiny!" River declared. She padded up to Inara and nodded. "I'll bring the frozen bras."

Simon and Inara exchanged confused glances as she strode out of the room.

A Few Hours Later…

"Inara? Do ya still have time to do…" Kaylee stepped into the shuttle and into a sea of streamers. "… _Wo De Tian A,_ the pink!"

Inara perched on the edge of her bed in a pair of red silk pajamas. Zoe sat in a chair towards the wall wearing a half smile, an oversized "Independents" T-shirt, and a pair of Wash's boxers. River appeared behind Kaylee, grinning ear to ear and wearing a purple nightgown donned with the Fruity Oaty Bar logo.

"Happy birthday, Kaylee." Inara hugged her and Kaylee happily reciprocated.

River approached her, holding a pink bra. "I froze this for you."

Kaylee vibrated with excitement. "My very own slumber party? Oh, thank you Inara!"

"You deserve it, Kaylee." Inara held her at arms length, smiling at her friend.

A pair of pink polka-dotted pajamas hit Kaylee in the face. She caught them in her arms.

"Put 'em on." Zoe grinned. "We didn't get dressed up for nothin'"

Outside The Shuttle Door...

"Jayne!" The merc turned from his spot to see a might ruffled captain. "What in the _Mei Yong Ma Duh Tse Gu Yong_ are you doin' by Inara's shuttle?"

Sounds of giggling emerged from the metal doors.

"But they're havin' a girly party, Mal."

Mal swallowed as Inara's subtle laugh stood out from the rest.

"Yea well, that ain't our business." Jayne stared wide-eyed. Mal's nostril's flared. "Less you've grown woman parts I don't know about you ain't invited."

"Have not!" Jayne stood at once, looking back and forth in frustration. With a grunt, he stormed off. "I'll be in my bunk."

Mal took a hesitant step toward the shuttle. Inara's voice rang out, somethan about the size of man's hands. He took another step closer.

"Mighty _special_ of Inara to throw Kaylee a party, isn't it?"

Mal sighed and met the man's eyes.

"Damn right, Preacher." He turned and headed towards his bunk. "Mighty special."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Joss owns everything. I just like to play with his creations.

Authors Note: Set shortly after Ariel. Slightly Jayne/Kaylee if you squint hard enough.

The One Where Inara Tells Jayne A Story

He hugged the railing and allowed his legs to hang like heavy weights off the edge. His stare bore a hole in that gorram airlock. He'd fought like hell to get back through those doors and now he couldn't shake the feelin' that he belonged on the other side.

He heard her light footsteps the minute they touched the catwalk. Even her grace couldn't fool his trained ears.

"Hello Jayne."

He didn't bother returning her pitying stare.

"Ain't it a might late for wanderin?"

Inara gripped the railing and lowered herself to his level.

"I was going to say the same about brooding."

It was enough to get him to glare in her direction.

"I ain't brooding."

Inara laughed lightly, her smile lighting up the darkness. "Jayne, you and Mal may not share many traits but brooding is certainly one of them."

Jayne scoffed. "I ain't like him."

Inara bunched her dress beneath her. "Jayne, did Mal ever tell you about Murphy?"

He rested his chin back on the railing and shrugged. "I ain't good with names."

"Murphy was our merc before you came along." Inara traced the fabric of her dress, her smile fading. "He was big and knew how to handle a gun. He did his job well. Mal seemed… pleased with him."

The tone of her voice put Jayne on edge. He turned to her with narrowed eyes.

"Murphy also had a tremendous appetite when it came to women. It didn't matter if they weren't interested in his advances. Zoe he left alone, probably because she could break his fingers with one hand."

Jayne's breathe stuck in his chest. Every muscle tensed. When she met his eyes, he felt like he was falling into a bottomless pit.

"My companion training taught me how to deal with such men. Kaylee though…"

"Kaylee what?" He spoke through gritted teeth. "What did that ruttin' _Hwen Dan_ do?"

"He threatened her. Scared her. She slept in my shuttle for days, wouldn't leave my side. That's when I told Mal everything."

Jayne could hear his own pulse throbbing in his ears. "What'd he do?"

"He kicked him off of the ship."

"That all? I woulda skinned that _Wei Shian Dohn Woo_ alive!"

Inara smiled then. "I mean he literally kicked him off of the ship…" Her eyes traveled towards the airlock. "...right after we left atmo."

Jayne finally exhaled. He faced the airlock once again.

"Ain't that original."

Her dress crackled as she shifted.

"When Mal hired you, all of us were…skeptical." Her eyes bore holes in his armor. "But not Kaylee. She said that you were rough on the outside and soft in the middle. That you would kill the bad guys and protect the good ones. She was right."

He swallowed a bitter taste and chanced a look in the companion's direction.

"Don't reckon Mal agrees."

"Jayne?" He reluctantly met her eyes. "I don't know what happened between you two but if Mal didn't know that, than you wouldn't be on this ship."

She left as quietly as she came.

Jayne took one last good look at the airlock and decided. He stood, took a breath, and headed for the kitchen.

It was near breakfast time and he had some makin' up to do.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything here. I just rent.

Author Note: For the Joss fans-who may notice a throwback to Buffy The Vampire Slayer. ;)

The One Where Jayne Has a Nightmare

"Bunnies. My money's on bunnies."

Wash smirked from his spot at the head of the table. Zoe eyed him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What?" He gestured wildly. "Sharp buck teeth. Super hearing. Those fluffy Huai dans are the stuff of nightmares."

Kaylee shook her head, eyes staring into space. "Nope, no way Jayne's afraid of bunnies. I reckon it has somethan' to do with whores."

"Ain't nothin' in the verse that man's more scared of than losing his coin." Mal swallowed a mouthful of his drink. "I bet my next cut on it."

"I'll take that bet." The Shepherd smiled warmly. He lowered himself into the seat next to the captain. "And raise you a week of mess duty."

"You're on preacher." Mal nodded. "You got somethan' to say on the matter?"

"Jayne is a man like the rest of us. I reckon he feels a might guilty about the number of lives he's taken."

Four sets of eyes turned towards the Shepherd. The silence lasted a few ticks of the clock before a chorus of laughter sounded throughout the kitchen. Wash beat on the table with his hands and Kaylee clutched her stomach.

"Good one Preacher!" Zoe choked on her words.

"Oh, the Shepherd made a funny!" Wash chimed in.

"What'd I miss?" Jayne sauntered into the room and straddled a backwards-facing chair. The room went silent once again. "Awe, come on! I like jokes. 'Specially dirty ones."

Kaylee leaned forward and cleared her throat. "We was just discussing our dreams. What about you Jayne? What's the worst nightmare you've ever had?"

Jayne grabbed a roll off of the serving plate and took a big bite. He spoke through a mouthful. "Had a xiong meng de kuang ren of one last night." Bits of bread sprayed from his lips. "Gorram bunnies everywhere. All twitchy and red-eyed."

Wide eyes watched as he nearly swallowed his second roll whole. Wash stood and pointed emphatically at Jayne.

"Bunnies!" He vibrated. "I knew it!"

Jayne eyed the pilot with suspicion.

"Knew what?" He grumbled.

"Uh...just that…bunnies are scary…is what I knew." He looked to each crew member before nodding to himself. "And I'm going to sit back down now."

Jayne swallowed and nodded. "Can't trust 'em farther than I can spit." He stood, wiped his palms on his pants, and moved towards the door. "Worst part was when the ruttin' things made off with all my coin. Ain't a whore in the verse willin' to work for free."

He stomped out, leaving a table full of confusion.

"So…" Wash broke the silence. "I still win, right?"

"Gambler's rules state that the profit be split three ways." The Shepherd answered.

Wash threw his hands in his air. "Mo ming qi miao. Just once I'd like to come out on top!"

Zoe stood and took his shoulders from behind, whispering in his ear. Wash bolted from his seat at once. "Right well, congratulations to you all!"

Zoe retreated down the corridor. Wash bowed as he backed out behind his wife.

"May the victor reap his reward!"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Serenity or her crew. It all goes to Joss.

Authors Note: So, this is my very first attempt at Mal/Inara fanfiction. Be gentle please, I bruise easily. ;)

The One Where Inara Worries About Mal

Something wasn't right with Mal today.

Inara watched him from across the table, eyes narrowed. His shoulders slumped a little more than usual and his gaze barely left the insufficient serving on his plate. The sight of him this way, spiritless, caused her stomach to sour.

"Ain't no harm in checkin' is all I'm sayin'." Jayne shoveled potato substitute into his mouth and talked around it. "Them moons are right bursting with gold."

Mal shook his head. "I reckon that plenty of harm could come from docking in reaver territory." He picked up his napkin and curtly wiped his mouth before standing. "Stay on course Wash. We'll hit Beaumonde in a day and see what Fanty and Mingo got for us."

"But Mal…"

Jayne's protest echoed over the captain's empty chair. Inara cleared her throat, carefully placing her napkin on her plate.

"Lovely meal, Kaylee." The young mechanic smiled in response and Inara walked, quickly but not too quickly, in Mal's pursuit. She caught up to him just before they reached the infirmary.

"Mal?"

He stopped with his back to her and gave a tremendous sigh. "Ain't got it in me to fight tonight."

A deep breath brought her four steps closer and her face only an inch from his back.

He smelled of cedar wood and cinnamon.

"Mal, talk to me." She barely touched his arm. He flinched. "What's wrong?"

He spun on her then, causing her breath to catch. "What's wrong is I got a hungry crew and no coin for food. What's wrong is we're out so far in the black that not even the reavers will touch us. And if we get anywhere close to civilization the alliance will."

She backed up. He advanced further.

"What's wrong is that this is MY boat-MY crew. If they starve, get hurt, die…that's on me."

She felt the cold steel wall behind her and his breath on her face. The fire faded from his eyes, leaving only the pain she'd identified earlier.

"If YOU get hurt…" His hands gripped her arms with shocking gentleness. "…Well that ain't something I figure I can live with."

They stayed like that moment longer, his stare slowly carving away at her walls. Slowly, painfully, he released her. His eyes fell to his feet. She hugged herself to stop the trembling.

"Told ya I wasn't up for a fight."

He left her breathless and near tears.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss. I just borrow them to use as my playthings.

Authors Note: So, I realized that Wash and River never really had any one on one time during the show. Since they both have similar sarcastic tendencies, I thought it'd be fun to put them together. Here's how that went. :)

The One Where Wash Knows Something River Doesn't Know

"There, among the stars, we shall make our new home. No asteroid can touch us!"

The long-necked dinosaur took a backseat to the smaller yet pointier one. Wash's voice deepened to accommodate the size difference.

"Asteroid? You idiot! Everyone knows it was the ice that wiped us out. We need a warm planet where the sun will keep us warm and…" He jabbed the pointy one towards the emptiness of space and leaned forward against the ship's controls. "...tan!"

The longneck attacked.

"Ice!"

The pointy one launched onto the longneck's back.

"Sun!"

"Actually, it was volcanoes."

"Ai ya!" Dinosaurs flew into the air and landed haphazardly around the bridge. Wash swiveled his chair to face the barefooted intruder, hands raised.

"Scientists believe that volcanic eruptions impacted the dinosaurs long before the asteroid hit." River hugged the doorway, her toes lightly touching the interior of the bridge. "The climate change would have made it impossible for them to survive."

"Ri…River?" Wash stared with wide unblinking eyes and laughed nervously. "You know you should never surprise a man when he's piloting a big ship…lots of buttons…and lights…and oh god please don't stab me!"

River twisted her lips into a crooked smirk and padded into the room. "Stabbing is an antiquated reflex and highly inefficient." She reached the co-pilots chair and ran her finger over its hard edges. She met his eyes playfully. "Slicing is a much more effective kill tactic."

Wash cleared his throat and dropped his hands. "Well, that's comforting."

She traced the chairs shape until she reached the front. Once there, she lowered herself into its seat. "Besides, I like you. I hope that you live."

Her generous smile lowered Wash's guard. "Well that makes two of us." He leaned back in his chair and gazed at the mass of black and sparkle before them. "You know, they say there are over 70 billion trillion stars out there."

She peered at him from behind the high back of the chair and rolled her eyes.

"Ah hah, I forgot that I was talking to the human database!" He turned back towards the stars. "But I know something you don't know."

Wash's mocking tone prompted River to swivel around to face him. She studied him, calmly, before shaking her head. "You're bluffing."

Wash chuckled. "Oh no, small ninja, I do no such thing."

She cocked her head. "I know how to fly Serenity."

Wash placed his arms behind his head and scoffed. "Mal can fly Serenity and were talking about a man who doesn't even know his own pants size."

River bit her lip in concentration. Suddenly, her eyes lit up. "I can rewire anything on this ship to make it more efficient."

Wash shrugged. "Not bad, but so can Kaylee when she's not flirting with your clueless brother." He paused and side-eyed her. "Does he even _like_ girls?"

River sighed. "That's debatable." She fell back into her chair and stared into space. "I know that you call Zoe your dark chocolate macaroon when you…"

"Whoa!" Wash nearly jumped out of his chair. "Lets, uh, keep that between us shall we?"

"If you insist." River rolled her eyes. "I can read minds, you know."

"So I hear." Wash pulled a dinosaur from the crack between control panels and checked it for damage. "Too bad I'm not thinkin' of the thing that I'm thinkin'…." Confusion covered his features. "Of?" He pointed the dinosaur confidently in her direction. "Of!"

River narrowed her eyes and pulled her knees up to her chest. "You will."

"Oh, the Washburne men possess a mighty willpower." He met her gaze across the bridge. "I won't go down without a fight."

 _….five minutes later…_

"Eeww!" River ran from the bridge and straight into Simon's arms. "Make it go away!"

"River! What's wrong?" He gripped her by the shoulders and steadied her shaking frame. "Did you have a bad dream again?"

"It's big and furry and so blonde!" River pulled herself from Simon's arms and escaped down the corridor.

Simon looked back to see Wash fumbling out of the bridge.

"It was the early 2500's!" He touched his upper lip. "All the Gao gan guys had them back then."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own them or their ship. It's Joss' world and I just write in it.

Author's Note: So, I guess they never really clarified if Mattie was Jayne's brother or sister. For my purposes, it's a boy!

The One Where Jayne and Mattie Fight Over a Girl

The witty voice of a shorter less muscular version of the ship's mercenary echoed throughout the bridge.

"Hey big brother! See ya got Ma's gift!"

Jayne leaned back in his chair and fingered the knitted contraption on his head. A sly grin escaped his composed demeanor. "Reckon I did. Where she at, Mattie? Promised I'd check in."

Mattie placed his arms behind his head. "She's seein' to Rachel. That ma tze's about to pop any second."

Jayne's face hardened at the thought of their childhood neighbor. "That qing wa cao de liu mang make an honest woman a' her?"

Mattie frowned. "No, ran off to Persephone first chance he got." His brown eyes sparkled with untold mischief. "But he ain't never gonna rut right again after the beaten I gave 'im."

A chuckle burst from Jayne's throat. He slapped his knee with pride. "That's how I taught ya, Di Di!"

Mattie leaned into the screen and whispered, still grinning foolishly. "So, get yourself a fine figured lady yet? I hear them space girls are _easy_ …to _come_ by." He snickered.

Jayne huffed. "Whores are easy enough. Girls that Ma would approve of…" He toyed with the loose ends on his hat, suddenly serious. "…well that gets a might complicated."

"Hey Jayne!" Kaylee's singsong greeting nearly catapulted him outta his chair. He turned just in time to see her wide innocent eyes move from him to the screen. "Wo de ma! Didn't mean to interrupt."

"Ain't no trouble, bao bai." Mattie flashed the malicious smirk that Jayne knew all too well. "I'm Mattie, Jayne's younger and Shuaier brother."

The growing color in Kaylee's cheeks made Jayne's fist clench. He pulled the hat off of his head.

"More like the hun dan."

"Jayne!" Kaylee shushed his mutterins'. She touched the bear on her coveralls. "Well I'm Kaylee. Serenity's mechanic. It's nice to finally meet ya, Mattie."

"The famous Kaylee?" Mattie finally removed his eyes from her chest and met Jayne's murderous glare. "Jayne, you ain't never told me she was so suo xi."

"Cause it ain't none of your gorram business." Jayne touched the knife on his belt, determined to get his point across.

"I'm just sayin.'" Mattie met her big brown eyes with quiet persistence. "I woulda figured you for the whore before the grease monkey."

The sound of Jayne's fist hitting the console froze them all in place.

Several silent moments passed. Jayne targeted Mattie in a deadly glower.

Finally, he turned to the now timid mechanic. The fear in her eyes made him force a grin. "Somethan you need, Kaylee?"

She wrung her hands and bit her lip in that way she did sometimes.

"Oh, we was about to play hoop ball is all." She shrugged. "I already picked ya for my team but if you're busy I can always…"

"No. We're bout done here." He glanced back at the sneer on Mattie's face before swiftly stilling her shaking hands. "You best run ahead, make sure Mal don't go raisin' that hoop up higher than regulation again."

She gave a curt nod and a smile. "Okay."

Jayne watched her until she turned the far corner and disappeared. Then, he narrowed his eyes at the man on the screen.

"Jayne, you know I was just talking is all…"

"Bi zui." He snarled. He pulled the knife from his belt and traced the blade with the pad of his finger. "I'm gonna say this once, Mattie, and you best listen good. Kaylee is off limits. You ain't to be talking her up. Hell, I hear you're even lookin' at her sideways and Vera and I'll come callin.' Dong ma?"

Still and stern, Maddie stared at his own lap. "Dong ma."

Jayne stood, put his knife away, and pulled his hat back onto his head.

"Tell Ma I said thanks for the hat."

He flipped the cortex button off and headed down to the cargo bay. He and Kaylee had a game to win.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly or any of its characters. All hail Joss!

Author's Note: I thought it would be fun to put the two most civilized characters in a room together. This is what happened.

The One Where Inara and Simon Reminisce About Civilization

The clicking of her shoes echoed throughout the corridor and demonstrated her mounting frustration.

" _Feh Feh Pi Goh."_ She muttered under her breath while holding her skirt protectively around her thighs.

Companions were taught to contain their emotions. There wasn't enough meditation in the universe to help her deal with Mal's boorishness.

"Zhu doesn't know his ass from his…"

Three steps into the kitchen and she froze.

Simon's wide eyes stared back at her.

"Uh…sorry! I was just…" Simon displayed a protein bar. The wrapper crinkled in his hands. "…hungry."

Inara exhaled and put on a kind face. "No, please. I'm the one who should apologize." She released her hold on her skirt. "My behavior was hardly polite."

"Are you joking?" Simon examined the protein bar more closely. "Compared to the rest of the crew, you're miss manners."

Inara smiled. "Well, I suppose that is true."

Simon shifted, uncomfortably, on his feet before catching her eyes again. "Uh, are you hungry?" He held the protein bar up. "I found them in Jayne's stash."

She laughed. "Well, in that case I'd love to join you."

She chose a seat on the far side of the table. Simon handed her a bar before sitting across from her. They opened their snacks in unison.

"You know, when River and I were kids we used to sneak into the kitchen at night. She'd climb onto the counter and raid the cookie jar. I'd stand guard in case our father woke up."

Inara broke off a piece with her fingers. "Things aren't so different now, are they?"

"I suppose not." Simon shrugged, chewing. "Of course I never would have imagined we'd end up on an illegal salvage ship with criminals and miscreants."

Inara met his eyes, briefly. "Do you ever miss it?"

"Miss what?" Simon finished another bite.

Inara shared a warm grin. "Civilization."

Simon chuckled. "All the time. Kaylee complains that I'm too proper, too ordered. The thing is, I like order. It makes everything…less complicated."

Inara examined the piece of protein between her manicured fingers. "I never knew complication until I joined Serenity." She paused to breathe. "Sometimes, I miss the order too."

Silence lingered between them. Half of their bars were gone before Simon spoke again.

"Would you ever go back?" He breathed in-between words. "Rejoin civilization?"

Inara considered the question. Finally, she met his eyes again. "I think about it often. I've had offers."

"Oh." Simon eyed the table. "So, what's stopping you?"

Several possible answers ran through her head. When she met his eyes again, she chose the most fitting one.

"Love."

Simon's eyes widened. He cleared his throat. "It does have a tendency to complicate things."

"Yes, well its even more complicated when the person you love is…uncivilized."

Simon's face melted into a horrified glower. "Oh dear god, it's not Jayne?"

Inara laughed out loud, her previous anger melting away. "I said uncivilized, not man ape."

Simon fell back in his chair, covering his mouth with his hand. "For a minute there I thought I was going insane."

"Yes, well, I'm not certain that _I'm not_ insane." Inara spoke through giggles. When the silence ensued, she continued. "Do you think you'll ever be able to go home?"

Simon sighed. His eyes wandered to the empty wrapper before him. "Even if we could, I'm not sure that we'd ever belong there again."

Inara picked up her empty wrapper and slowly walked it to the disposal. After depositing it, she turned to face Simon.

"Then it's no longer your home." She turned to leave, stopping just short of the corridor to meet his eyes one last time. "I'm glad you're here, Simon. Serenity benefits from our civilization."

His lips twisted into a hesitant smile. "Maybe so."


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly or any of its crew. All hail Joss.

Authors Note: This chapter is dedicated to the great Ron Glass. Rest in peace Shepherd.

The One Where The Shepherd Finds A Home

A heavy sigh rose from Shepherd Book's chest and met the air with shuddering exhaustion. With it escaped all of the tensions of the day. They were familiar tensions- alliance trouble, a job that hadn't gone to plan, and the suffocating pressure of morality sitting upon his shoulders.

These thoughts plagued his mind as his knees touch the cold steel floor of his bunk and his hand made the gesture he lived by.

"Hey, is that my extractor?"

Book's hand froze in place.

Pounding footsteps echoed outside of his closed door.

"Jayne, put that back!"

"Ain't gonna be but a minute, doc. Vera's jammed."

"That's not for…don't stick that in…"

The voices faded. Book shook his head and handled his rosary. Slowly, he began mouthing the words of a habitual prayer.

"She wants to fly! Can't let her fall!"

River's gleeful giggles broke his concentration.

"Oh, she ain't gonna fall!" Kaylee's heavy boots trampled down the corridor. "I'm gonna catch her and put her back right back in my toolbox!"

The corners of Book's lips crept up into a wayward grin. Once the laughter disappeared, he turned his attention to the leather-clad book at his bedside. He opened to his favorite passage and let the peace wash over him.

"All I'm saying is that maybe we can do crimes on a nicer planet next time. Pelorum for example."

"Criminals don't go on vacation, dear."

"Shame, there coulda been beaches." Their synchronized footsteps diminished. "Beaches _and_ crime."

Book breathed a lighter sigh and closed the Bible. He placed it securely on his bedside table and traced the soft leather. A knock on his door hardly startled him.

"Come in."

The snug pants gave away the visitor's identity.

"Good evening, Captain."

Mal reached the bottom of the ladder and faced him.

"Howdy Preacher. Hope I'm not intrudin.'"

"Oh, I've come to expect such intrusions." Book smiled warmly. "Not a quiet moment on this ship, is there?"

"Thin walls. Ain't ideal for privacy." He laced his fingers in his belt. "I could tell 'em to keep it down. Poke 'em with a stick?"

Book laughed. "No, that's quite alright. I spent many years locked in a room at the abby. No distractions." He paused "Sometimes noise is comforting."

"Quiet enough outside, I reckon." Mal paused. "We're settin' down on Haven in a day or two. Heard you got folk there."

Book nodded. "I do."

Mal turned, his eyes centering on the carefully placed Bible. "Planning on jumping ship?"

Book studied the captain's back, perplexed. "Are you asking me to leave, Mal?"

Mal startled at the use of his name. He set his eyes back on Book. "On the contrary, _Shepherd_ , I was hopin' you'd stick around awhile."

Silence passed between them. Slowly, Book moved towards the Bible. He picked it up and reclaimed the captain's attention.

"Have you ever read it?"

Mal looked to his shoes. "Can't say as I have."

"This book taught me a good deal about forces greater than myself. Surrendering oneself to those forces takes faith- a faith that I too struggle to maintain at times." He smiled, a gleam in his eyes. "But someone once told me that I'm exactly where I ought to be." Mal met his stare. "I think I'll stick around."

Mal nodded. "Reckon we could use a mite of conscience on this boat."

"Glad to be of service, Captain."

"Glad to have you aboard, Preacher." A beat of silence passed. "Well, I'll leave ya to your…greater forces." He stepped onto the ladder. "Don't hide out too long. You'll miss out on all the fun."

Mal climbed out of the bunk and nearly collided with River and Kaylee in their antics.

"Wo De Tian A! _"_ He disappeared up the ladder. "Bed in five minutes or I'll knock ya both out my own self."

Book sat back on his bed and smiled.

He'd never thought the day would come when chaos became familiar. Still, with familiarly came comfort and that was something he hadn't known much of before Serenity.

Comfort, and maybe a family to boot.


	11. Chapter 11

"Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly or any of her crew. All hail Joss!

Author's Note: This one has been pecking around in my head for awhile. This goes out to the Jaylee crowd.

"The One Where River Teaches Jayne About Butterflies"

He plucked the strings, first one by one and then two at a time. After a few run-throughs he managed something close to pretty. Weren't pretty enough, though. Never were.

"I hear butterflies."

Jayne sneered, his focus barely shifting from his guitar.

"Ain't it a might early for you to be hearin' things ain't there?"

"Not here now." River's lips curled into that crazy smile that always make him twitchy. "Soon. Cocoons are strong, but not strong enough."

Jayne grunted and plucked another string. He just about had another couple notes set when her bare feet appeared in his playin' space.

"Gorramit girl!" He put on his ugliest scowl. "Can't ya see I'm busy here? Go chase your ruttin butterflies somewhere else."

"Can't." Her crazy eyes burned a hole in his forehead. "They're not running. Not anymore."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Well ain't that just swell." He went back to his guitar, replaying the few notes he'd likened to. River's sweeping steps around the lounge room kept his one eye occupied.

"Swoosh!" She flapped her arms and ran around the center table like a gorram _Ai Chr Jze Se Duh Fohn Diang Gho._ "Wings flutter and swoosh! Can't do one without the other."

" _Go Hwong Tong!_ " Jayne spoke through gritted teeth. He aimed to put the guitar aside. "Got a mind to drag you right back to the bughouse girl."

Just before the guitar hit the couch, a long fancified note streamed from its strings. River stilled with a playful smirk.

"Swoosh."

Jayne stared at the vibrating instrument, mouth hanging open. He picked it back up and traced his fingers in the same order as caused the tune. "Huh." He plucked the strings like before and added the new swooshin' in between. Made a right pretty melody.

He raised an eyebrow, a suspicious eye still trained on the moonbrain. "Reckon that ain't half bad."

"Ain't bad at all, Jayne."

The cheerful voice sounded from the kitchen. Jayne looked up to see Kaylee, her hair still wet from her morning shower.

"Real pretty in fact." Her big brown eyes and sunny smile made him warm all over. "Will ya play some more whiles I make breakfast?"

"Sure." Jayne grinned with pride. "Long as I don't gotta do no cookin'."

River screwed her face into a disgusted scowl. "Eggs like rubber. Coffee like gasoline."

Kaylee laughed. "She ain't wrong, Jayne."

Jayne glared, unamused. Kaylee climbed into the lounge area and perched on the armrest. She touched Jayne's arm, giving him all manner of goosebumps. He pulled away at the tetchy sensation.

"Aw, don't get all broody." She ran her fingers over Jayne's guitar. "I tried to play once when I was a youngin', scared all the chickens away. We all got somethan."

Jayne chanced meetin' her eyes. "Bet you ain't all that bad, Kaylee girl. I could tryin' teach ya sometime."

"Well that would be real shiny, Jayne." Kaylee beamed. "Come on, River. You can help me mix the batter for the pancakes."

Kaylee retreated to the kitchen and gathered the cookin' supplies. Jayne remained, his stomach unsettled something fierce.

"Butterflies are free now." He looked up to see moonbrain grinnin' like mad.

"Git!" He commanded in the shrillest whisper. She giggled all the way into the kitchen.

Jayne sighed, leaned back, and picked up his guitar.

Best to ignore the unsavory flutterin' in his gut.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly or any of its characters. All hail the mighty Joss!

Author's Note: So, I've been fighting a bit of writer's block lately. When I'm blocked, it's easiest for me to go back to my comfort zone…Jaylee! I prefer to see this as more of a Mal and Jayne conversation, though. This one takes place not long after Objects in Space.

The One Where Mal Challenges Jayne's Intimidating Manner

Serenity, ironical enough, didn't lend itself to quiet.

This thought played in Mal's head as he descended the metal staircase into the cargo bay. The echo of metal hitting metal followed by a heavy sigh told him what to expect when he hit bottom.

Sure enough, the merc grunted in response to Mal's right intimidating presence.

"Gonna lecture me get on with it. Got three more sets to do for' I turn in."

Mal stepped two paces to the left, tryin' to make himself bigger.

"Reckon you know why I'm here. Care to explain yourself?"

The muscled man's chest heaved as he removed his paws from the steel bar and sat up. He met Mal's eyes, briefly, before retrieving the white towel and wiping his sweat-sheened face.

"Got the job done. Don't reckon it matters how I done it."

Frustration showed in a tense smile on Mal's face. He raised his hand and scratched at his eyebrow. "See, this whole conversation sounds a mite familiar." He gestured to the man before him. "This here is the part where _I_ tell _you_ that _everything_ you do on a job affects the rest of my crew. Like that stunt you pulled today that near got River killed."

Jayne smirked and retrieved a silver flask from the floor. "Moonbrain? Reckon she can handle herself just fine."

Blood pooled in Mal's cheeks. His anger echoed over the bare walls.

"Against a whole pack of gun-totin' alliance?"

Jayne blinked once. "Don't see why not." He took a lengthy drink from the flask. Then, he raised an eyebrow and held the flask out in offering. Mal looked from it to Jayne and back again before snatching the flask and bringing it to his lips. The whiskey burned his raw throat.

Mal circled back and leaned against the stairwell, flask still in hand.

"Jayne, I know you ain't never been fond of Simon and his crazy sister. Hell, I've questioned my decisions on them a time or two. But they're crew. Now am I gonna have to protect my crew from you?"

Jayne's eyes narrowed. He shot upwards from the bench and stomped towards Mal. Seething wrath stared him right in the face.

"You think I'd hurt the crew? River? Kaylee? You really sayin' that I'd hurt a couple a' little girls, Mal?"

Mal squared his shoulders and stepped forward, meeting the challenge.

"Might be. Ain't the first time."

Neither man moved. Several silent minutes passed. Tension filled the once airy room. Mal flexed his fists, preparing for battle.

The sound of combat boots hitting the grate caused them both to blink. Jayne's expression changed at once. His body relaxed slightly and he took a step back from Mal. His eyes never left his opponent.

"Hey Jayne. Cap." The footsteps stopped halfway down the stairs. "This a bad time?"

Jayne slowly dragged his gaze away from Mal and focused on the mechanic.

"Nah, Kaylee. We was just finishin' up. You alright?"

Kaylee blanched and looked shyly to her boots. "Ain't nothin' really. Just couldn't sleep. Was just wonderin' if you was still awake."

Jayne's entire posture evaporated. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and approached her cautiously. "Bad dreams again?"

She peered up from beneath her eyelashes and shot Mal a cautious glance. She settled with a curt nod directed at Jayne.

Jayne nodded lightly in return and turned back to Mal. This time, he approached from a submissive stance. "Gonna need the whiskey back."

Mal looked from Jayne to Kaylee. She stood there awkwardly. Her arms crossed over her chest and she eyed Mal shakily, as if she was afraid of his reaction to this new development.

With a final sigh, he thrust the drink back at Jayne and marched past him. He took the stairs and stopped just below Kaylee.

"You okay, mei mei?"

He lightly touched her arm. She rewarded him with a warm smile.

"Real shiny Captain. Jayne's just a good listener is all. He makes me feel…better."

 _Safer._

The unspoken word weren't lost on him.

He caught her eye and nodded. "I ain't got no objection to that."

Satisfied, Mal passed her on the steps and hit the catwalk again with purpose.

"But I hear about any ruttin' about on my ship they'll be hell to pay."


End file.
